Girlfriend: you ‘aint Jessica

February 1, 2010 at 2:00 am Leave a comment

Occasionally, I let fly at dumb ass people. Today is one of those days. Prepare yourself.  Firstly, I think we’d all agree that Hollywood star, Jessica Alba, is pretty hot – gorgeous olive skin, almond shaped eyes, stunning body, hair blah blah. Oh to be born again like her. But would I undergo serious plastic surgery to look like her? Would I try to morph from an Asian woman into Jessica? Hell no.

But there is a dumb ass person who is trying to do just this. And she has a dumb ass boyfriend she should have given the flick to a loooooooooong time ago. Here’s the sorry story.

A 21-year old Chinese woman, identified as Xiaoqing (probably way too embarrassed to give us her real name), has been running around Shanghai sporting a blonde wig and false eyelashes and wondering why on earth people have been laughing at her. Here’s a clue girlfriend: you look ridiculous.  Apparently, Xiaoqing’s boyfriend is obsessed with Jessica Alba and has demanded that Xiaoqing do her make-up like Alba and even go to bed wearing said make-up.  Girlfriend, here’s another tip for you: dumb ass boyfriend is probably some creepy, stalker dude with an altar to Alba in his house somewhere, run away NOW.

Dumb ass boyfriend gives Xiaoqing the blonde wig for Christmas and rather than tossing it in his face, she decides to wear it on the streets of Shanghai. Xiaoqing cries: “I love him very much…. That’s why I always followed his opinions. I don’t want to lose him.” The opinions of this dumb ass boyfriend are apparently so important to Xiaoqing that she is prepared to undergo extensive plastic surgery to turn herself into Jessica.

Hint number three girlfriend: we are all born with different features, personalities, bodies and so on. No amount of plastic surgery will make you Jessica Alba. But dumb ass Xiaoging says: “I’m a psychologically weak person. I want to do something to challenge myself and build a strong personality through it.” How about seeing a psychiatrist girlfriend?? But no, she’s thinking that submitting herself to eyebrow lifting, eyelid reshaping and nose reconstruction will please her boyfriend and give her an instant personality transplant. And it appears that the Shanghai Time Plastic Surgery Hospital will do the slicing and dicing job for free. Why I wonder?

Any form of elective surgery should be considered VERY seriously. I plan to age gracefully (or ungracefully as the case may be). No Botox-wielding, scalpel waving plastic surgeon is going to get near me. But contemporary society’s obsession with celebrity, gleaming white teeth and the perfect body has led to some recent untimely deaths that Xiaoging might want to take note of.

Former Miss Argentina and model, Solange Magnano, died after gluteoplasty, which is liposuction intended to give a better shaped butt, apparently by lifting it slightly. Magnano was 38 years old and left behind a husband and eight year old twins. This is how she looked before the cosmetic surgery that killed her (liquid injected during the procedure somehow traveled to her lungs and brain):

Now unless my eyes are seriously letting me down, Solange was gorgeous. She was a former Miss Argentina and model, ergo she was a beauty, yet she felt she needed a butt lift.

Both Nigeria’s First Lady, Stella Obasanjo and Kanye West’s 58-year old mother allegedly died following complications from cosmetic surgery. And American novelist, Olivia Goldsmith, died during a facelift operation. These are the high profile cases but then you hear about a 32-year old woman who died during a lunchtime tummy tuck procedure; the 42-year old woman who went into cardiac arrest following a facelift; or the 25-year old man who died after liposuction.

These are all very sad and unnecessary deaths brought on by the desire to look younger or slimmer. But when it comes to an Asian woman voluntarily submitting herself to the knife because her boyfriend is obsessed with Jessica Alba…well, that’s beyond dumb ass IMHO. Girlfriend: follow the links in this post and think VERY carefully. The procedure will be irreversible and you may not come out of the operating theatre alive. And also think VERY carefully about your boyfriend who might benefit from a trip to a psychiatrist.

End of rant.

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Entry filed under: Rant. Tags: , , .

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